Nightmare
by musings-of-an-introvert
Summary: The Doctor suffers a nightmare about his past and Rose comforts him.


The ground shook as an energy bomb hit a building nearby. The heat from the fiery blaze that seemed to engulf everything was unbearable. Children ran through the streets screaming, watching in horror as their world was ripped apart in front of their eyes. The once mighty citadel of the Time Lords has finally fallen into destruction at the hands of the Daleks. Arcadia has fallen, and all of Gallifrey was soon to follow. The stench of death is everywhere. A child in tattered robes with tears streaming down her face collapses on her knees, begging her motionless mother lying on the edge of the street to wake up. A mother screams in agony as she watches her son, just a little boy, shot down in front of her. In the distance, a father dressed in soot-covered rags carries his injured daughter through the war torn streets calling for help, knowing that help will never come.

The Doctor woke up with a start, trembling from the nightmare that continued to haunt him. The horrifying screams played through his mind as he sat up and placed a shaking hand on his face, choking back a sob as he tried to calm himself down. His ragged breathing pierced through the nighttime silence. "War is hell," he muttered through clenched teeth, running his shaking hands through his hair. The Doctor stood up and glanced around the dark, messy room littered with gadgets and mementos from his past, looking for anything that would distract him from the haunting screams that still echoed through his mind.

The Doctor's eyes fell on a sketch he had drawn a while back and left lying forgotten in a corner on the floor, partially covered by a pile of books on mechanics and quantum physics. He drew in another ragged breath and walked over to the drawing. The Doctor bent down and tear slipped down his face once he realized what it. He pulled it from underneath the books and looked lovingly at the precious sketch he had drawn so long ago. The Doctor could still see their faces clearly in his mind and remember the way they smiled, eyes bright and full of joy as they saw the world through innocent eyes, too young to understand the harshness of life. She was there too, as beautiful as the day he had met her. Dressed in her best robes, a cheerful smile highlighted the kindness that radiated through her entire being. Oh how he missed her.

The Doctor leaned his back against the wall and slid down it slowly. He wrapped his arms around his legs and rested his head on his knees as he started sobbing. The emotions he kept bottled up and locked away for so long refused to be held back anymore. They were gone and there was nothing he could do about it. He wiped his eyes with his shirt and stood up on trembling legs, still clutching the drawing.

The Doctor walked out of his room and through the hallway in a daze, not sure of where he was going. He wandered into the console room and drew in a deep breath as he listened to the familiar hum of the TARDIS engine. He walked to the console unit and placed his hands on the edge of one of the panels. The Doctor leaned against it and dropped his head between his arms as another wave of emotion swept over him and a tear trailed down his cheek. His inner turmoil kept him from noticing the faint sound of footsteps behind him.

"Doctor?" a soft, questioning voice asked. The Doctor stiffened and immediately wiped his eyes. He turned around slowly and tried to smile at the sweet face of the young woman in front of him. She was dressed in sweats and a t-shirt, her short, blond hair messy from having just woken up. He could see the worry in her eyes as she saw his tear stained face, and she clearly didn't buy his attempt at a smile. "Are you ok?" Rose asked. Her gentle voice penetrated the Doctor to the core.

The Doctor cleared his throat and opened his mouth, unsure of how to answer, "I'm sorry, did I wake you? Go back to bed. Don't worry about me." He gave her a weary smile that didn't reach his tired eyes.

Rose looked at him with her gentle eyes that showed the kindhearted spirit she possessed, "Doctor don't do this. Let me help you." The Doctor turned away and fought the tears that threatened to overwhelm him. The emotions he could usually turn on and off at will refused to cooperate.

The sweet girl walked behind the Doctor and hugged him around the waist, wanting to comfort the tormented old soul. The Doctor turned in her arms and pulled Rose in, he wrapped his arms around her and placed his face against hers. His emotions overtook him and he started crying again. The Doctor was frustrated with himself for acting like this, especially in front of Rose, which only fueled his emotions more. Rose held him firmly and a tear made its way down her face as she felt his suffering. She could feel the Doctor's body shaking from the pain he had been hiding for far too long, and it hurt her to see him like that. Rose knew he had lost so much and that the pain never truly left him. This good man who deserved so much ended up being one of the loneliest souls in the universe.

The Doctor's knees gave way and he sank to the ground, pulling Rose with him. They sat side by side with their backs on the console, and after a while the Doctor was finally able to pull himself together. They sat in silence for a moment. The Doctor's hand twitched and he realized he was still clutching the drawing. There was no way Rose hadn't seen it, and being as smart as she was, she had probably already guessed the identity of the figures in the sketch. He folded the drawing and stuffed it in his pocket before taking Rose's hand into his. The Doctor sighed, resting his head against the console. "Thank you," he murmured quietly, squeezing her hand. Rose leaned her head against his shoulder and squeezed his hand in return. Rose smiled as the Doctor closed his eyes and leaned his head against hers. They sat like that for a long time, neither one of them wanting to be the first to move.

Eventually, the Doctor stood up and helped Rose to her feet, drawing her in for another hug. They held hands as the Doctor led Rose back to her room. When they arrived she told him goodnight, but before she could enter the room the Doctor pulled her in, his right hand behind her neck as he brought her lips to his, kissing her softly. Rose rested her hands on the Doctor's hips and closed her eyes. She pressed her body into his and kissed him back, smiling all the while. The Doctor let her go after a few moments and grinned, a smile that finally reached his eyes. It was the happiest Rose had seen him in a long time.

Rose walked into her room and the Doctor meandered back into his. He went in and sat down on his bed, smiling as he daydreamed of Rose having the lifespan of a Time Lord, travelling with him forever. The Doctor remembered the sketch in his pocket and took it out, unfolding it carefully. He gazed at the drawing and smiled. They were gone and he still missed them terribly, but the Doctor realized he had a whole future to look forward to as long as he kept moving forward.

He walked over to his desk and opened one of the drawers, setting the sketch on top of a bunch of loose papers. He closed the drawer and went back to bed, thinking about the possibilities the future offered for him and Rose, ignoring the fact that she wouldn't live nearly as long as he would. The Doctor closed his eyes and slowly drifted off into a deep sleep, dreaming he was back home on Gallifrey. The twin suns shined brightly in the sky as the Doctor stood hand in hand with Rose beside the TARDIS overlooking the mighty city of Arcadia. There was no pain, no guilt, and no regret. They were happy, and that was all that mattered.


End file.
